Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Unpacker's Plight (photos may follow!)

Dear Packers,

As I now, one year on, start to see the results of your handiwork, I felt the urgent need to write and tell you how I feel.  I guess I should do it before I do my Mount Etna impersonation all over my poor family!
Just a few simple thoughts that might help the next poor soul who HAS to go through your clumsy, incompetent hands!  
I felt the need to thank you for wrapping my cheap, tatty, stained plastic ware with such utmost care and at least seven layers of thick wrapping for each piece.  Thanks also for not bothering with my handmade earthenware - most of which is now chipped or broken and as each set is now incomplete it is completely worthless.  I may as well have thrown it out of the window, in Chennai and smashed it to smithereens myself!
Thanks also for wrapping my thin Indian kitchen paper in several loving layers of more paper.  I don't know how it would have survived a year in storage without that.  I also was most surprised to see a roll of disposable cleaning cloths gently placed in a large box for me to open up twelve months later.  Unfortunately what you didn't know was that I brought that roll from the UK to Chennai and had many expat friends who would have willingly kept it there.  Ditto the Ziploc bags and heavy black trash bags.
Thank you for wrapping the white Wedgwood service in such a flimsy manner, but  for making sure the brightly coloured trashy china was swaddled better than a newborn baby!
I wonder at your reasoning behind bubble wrapping pillows, cushions and blankets.  Were you concerned they might get broken?  Chipped? Cracked? Or were you mentally deranged?   Pity you didn't think the same for my bespoke, handmade terracotta dining table and matching pots... all of which are now crumbling wrecks not the original beautiful items we bought and fell in love with.
I have spent countless hours over the last few weeks shaking my head in wonder and disbelief  at your sheer stupidity! I would love to know why you would place glasses one inside the other and wrap with a single sheet of grey paper, when the books, files and Cd's got two layers EACH.  Every single glass is chipped or broken.  Thanks.
In our new home, we have a double garage - thanks to you we can not even park a bicycle in it.  There is a veritable mountain of corrugated card roll, bubble wrap, the intensely poisonous and vile polystyrene, boxes of every size and description and so much paper I could start my own printing works and never have to source paper for twenty years.  Have you heard that our planet is suffering and we are trying to reduce, recycle and reuse?  Have you been doing an impression of an ostrich for the last ten years or so? Think ECO, think GREEN, think ahead to the poor person who has to unpack your imbecilic wrapping.
Thank you also for making us pay for an additional shipment unit after telling us that all our belongings would not FIT into a 20 foot sea freight container.  Had I known then that not only had you over packed EVERYTHING, that you had put in at least ten 'dead' boxes (this means empty - filled with screwed up paper or with nothing at all) but also included other boxes that had the ends of rolls of paper, finished rolls of tape, sweet wrappers, screwed up tissues - obviously used..... (YUCK!) and other litter; I think I would have personally come over and smacked you ALL upside the head..... hard.  Perhaps I would have enlisted Dhoni's cricket bat to help me!
Finally thank you for robbing us blind.  It was truly incredible (that word means hard to credit in case you have already wrapped my dictionary five times!) that  several of our boxes left our home in my presence, went to your warehouse, supposedly were loaded into a sealed container which I witnessed being broken open in London and somehow went missing.  Can you explain more fully than the witless "no Madam, it was not our fault"?  I am pretty sure you can't.  The same way you cannot explain why the insurance you made us take out and pay for exorbitantly somehow has a hundred thousand terms and conditions all of which make it impossible for us to claim a single rupee (never mind a dollar or a pound).
Finally I would just like to say to you, dear, dear packers, that when a close friend suggested in her Blog that your company name should be changed to 'I-LIED'  she was right on the button.  That is your company name, mission and motto.  Congratulations on maintaining that position to the bitter end. I pray daily that we never have to deal with you again.

With deepest regrets,


PS - Thanks for the Diwali card you sent me wishing me a happy new year - clearly you had not seen fit to think of what you had done to my possessions - a happy new year is the furthest thing from my mind!