All's Fayre....

Anyone who has served on a volunteer committee of any kind will know that in the organising of events there is always a lot of love and nearly always some kind of war!  Volunteers do what they do for the love of it.  Their conviction that they are right and their way is the right way is what gets things done in spite of the myriad other responsibilities on their collective plates.  I speak from experience.  I have served as a volunteer on some sort of committee or the other since I can remember.

I am Chairman of the PTA at Rhea's school this year.  I felt I could make a difference.  I hoped I could encourage people who are willing and able to join hands and create a community to do just that.  I love to write - so I started to write newsletters and to make plans.  The best part of heading up a committee is the getting to know and work with a bunch of incredible people.  My committee is brilliant.  They each have their strengths, we have a lawyer, a couple of accountants, a couple of people with the history of the PTA and all of them have convictions and commitment.  Fab!

We took over in the middle of September and suddenly realised that we had Pizza Lunches to order, a second hand Uniform Sale to organise, several kids sporting fixtures to support with snacks and refreshments and the big event so far... our Christmas Fayre.

Our school does not have a lot of space to spare, but we get by.  My Vice Chair is fantastic.  She is a whiz on the computer and can create documents that look sooooo professional and sooo enticing!  We cover each other perfectly - I like to be creative and whitter on about my ideas and my vision and she likes things to be bullet pointed to the nth degree!  So I write long newsletters and she make posters with Christmas baubles highlighting the exciting things coming ahead!

I am not working yet and she works more hours than is physically possible!  So I can do the organising and the nitty gritty and she can do the big stuff like the Santa's Grotto we set up in the school gym each year.  She leaves me to getting my bits done and I let her run with hers.  What a partnership!  She ordered the raffle tickets, I distributed them.  She organised the first prize and I trudged from store to store to get the long list of exciting extras.

I was always told that getting parents who work full time to help out or to join in would be a job and a half.  Let me say up front that this is definitely not the case at Reddiford School.  These parents are dedicated, committed and clearly willing to step up to the plate and boy, did they bat a home run for the kids a few weeks ago.  We had over a thousand items donated  - either new, nearly new or gently used books, toys, bric-a-brac, toiletries etc.  Our Bottle Tombola stall had over 400 bottles - absolutely incredible!  We had nail painting, face painting, decorating cookies, Christmas arts and crafts stalls, we had a fluffy Frosty the Snowman to win, we had cakes, cookies and mulled wine.  We had Starbucks Hot Chocolate with yummy whipped cream squirted all over it!  We had a Secret Store where kids had the chance to buy Christmas gifts for their parents (already wrapped and ready to go under the tree!).  We had people laughing and joking with each other.  We had parents and staff socialising in a informal manner.  We had a Willy Wonka Sweet Store with Nerds and Reeses....mmmm!  We had mince pies and egg less cakes.  We had so much Christmas Cheer and good will, it was something amazing to see.  The Gym was packed from the get go.  The School Choir sang carols for us and we joined in.  The Reddiford Families pulled together and pulled a really cracker out of the hat!

The PTA Class Reps (parents who liaise with their classes) came out in full force.  They had their stalls signed up from beginning to end and were flexible enough to jump up and help with the Pizza Stall if needed.  There was no whining, no whinging, no nagging and definitely no Bah Humbug!  Other parents shot off to wholesalers to grab last minute bargains for Grotto gifts.  Others wrapped for all they were worth!  My kids and my family always end up helping whether they like it or not!  My Darling orders take away meals so I can keep working on the Christmas Fayre, The Ray sparkles as she folds raffle tickets for all she is worth and Nikh spends all his time carrying things back and forth to make sure nothing gets forgotten!  What a team

Best of all ... in the whole of the Reddiford Christmas Fayre.... there was a tonne of love and no war whatsoever!

I am beginning to think this could be the start of something good!

home is where the heart is...

Hi I am Sejal and I have been Chennai-free for nearly a year!  Chennai is an addiction.... one I needed to quit.  (Although I didn't know I was addicted until I quit!)

We left Chennai in India about ten months ago.  I had been preparing for our exit for almost ten years!  We had gone there on a short term assignment which became very very long term.

My Darling and I came to Chennai with three suitcases and a three year old.  We left Chennai with a twenty foot sea freight container, 18 pieces of baggage, loads of hand luggage, a twelve year old and a five year old.  I guess that is what you call value added!

Both kids took the decision to leave in different ways. The Ray wanted to know when she would see her best friends again and Nikh flatly refused to go. He started trying to find a family that would take him in and our many many good good friends obliged without hesitation - thanks a bunch!  Made my life that much harder!

Anyway we arrived home (London, that is!), it was still in mainly holiday mode.  This was still not reality.  As months went by, Nikh, The Ray and I started to realise that this was our new REAL life.  My Darling started his travelling again and we had to deal with a new set of issues that could not be solved by maids, cooks and drivers.  We had to deal with it all on our own. We did.  We survived!

Nikh was still not quite happy.  He wanted to go 'home'.  I told him he was home.  He chose to ignore me!  We agreed to VISIT Chennai at Christmas.  In the end, I changed the dates as none of us were truly settled and this would be five steps back.  Our recovery was dependant on how we dealt with this revisiting of old haunts, old friends and AISC.

We landed in Chennai during the Easter holidays (Spring Break for AISC).  It was a bittersweet arrival.  It still smelled yucky, the airport was still hot, humid and crowded with disorganised travellers.  But it felt like a homecoming! It was familiar and comforting (never thought I would say that in a million years!!)  I had made plans with as many of our friends (more like family) were in town and we were booked back to back for the whole of our stay.  

We started with brunch at The Park with the usual suspects (!!), moved to meals galore at The Madras Club, Tuscana, Golden Dragon, Bayview Point, Woodlands etc etc and umpteen homes.  We had idlys, dosas, tiramisu, Indian Chinese, the freshest fish in the world, dim sum, Thai, Italian, homemade wadas, cheese dosas  and so very much more.  We did nothing but eat, drink, shop and grow out of our waistbands!

It was an absolute pleasure to spend time with people we love and those who care about us in return!  We played water polo in the pool at Fish Cove, cricket on the beach, did one more turtle release and spent so much pleasurable, treasurable time with these wonderful people.  We missed some who were on holiday, but will make plans over the next few months.  We went back to AISC - so much a part of our lives for so many years.  It is changing and growing. It was both hauntingly familiar and strangely unfamiliar.  It was lovely to sit and chat with friends just like the old days, with the thoughts of departure held firmly at bay.

Nikh drifted through the school remembering his time at one of the nicest places in Chennai.  When he was done, we left.  More hugs, kisses and bittersweet tears.

After a final frantic shopping dash, we headed down to Fisherman's Cove where there was one last batch of Olive Ridley Turtles waiting for us to help release them into the ocean.  The joy on my kids' faces, the awe and wonder on friends' faces who were doing this for the first time and the pleasure of sharing such a wondrous experience was simply incredible.  At the end of a day spent splashing on the beach and in the pool, playing with people we like to be with and eating such delicious fresh fish and chips, we went back to the town centre to pack and prepare to leave.

One last night out again with two charming kids and we were on the home stretch, literally!  One last friend to visit us, straight off the plane, out of the airport and to our hotel just to spend an hour together.  lots more tears, hugs and kisses and we were off.

As we took off, both kids held on tight.  Nikh looked at me with sadness and said, "Chennai will always be a sort of home, won't it?"  The Ray insists she is a Chennai-girl as this is her birthplace.  And I?  I will hold cherished memories of a place that filled me with love, laughter, joy, pain, frustration, heat rash, tears, gallons of alcohol, dozens of mosquito bites, snakes, cockroaches, biting spiders, incredible experiences and so many many lifelong friends... how could I not think of it as a home?

Unpacker's Plight (photos may follow!)

Dear Packers,

As I now, one year on, start to see the results of your handiwork, I felt the urgent need to write and tell you how I feel.  I guess I should do it before I do my Mount Etna impersonation all over my poor family!

Just a few simple thoughts that might help the next poor soul who HAS to go through your clumsy, incompetent hands!  
I felt the need to thank you for wrapping my cheap, tatty, stained plastic ware with such utmost care and at least seven layers of thick wrapping for each piece.  Thanks also for not bothering with my handmade earthenware - most of which is now chipped or broken and as each set is now incomplete it is completely worthless.  I may as well have thrown it out of the window, in Chennai and smashed it to smithereens myself!
Thanks also for wrapping my thin Indian kitchen paper in several loving layers of more paper.  I don't know how it would have survived a year in storage without that.  I also was most surprised to see a roll of disposable cleaning cloths gently placed in a large box for me to open up twelve months later.  Unfortunately what you didn't know was that I brought that roll from the UK to Chennai and had many expat friends who would have willingly kept it there.  Ditto the Ziploc bags and heavy black trash bags.
Thank you for wrapping the white Wedgwood service in such a flimsy manner, but  for making sure the brightly coloured trashy china was swaddled better than a newborn baby!
I wonder at your reasoning behind bubble wrapping pillows, cushions and blankets.  Were you concerned they might get broken?  Chipped? Cracked? Or were you mentally deranged?   Pity you didn't think the same for my bespoke, handmade terracotta dining table and matching pots... all of which are now crumbling wrecks not the original beautiful items we bought and fell in love with.
I have spent countless hours over the last few weeks shaking my head in wonder and disbelief  at your sheer stupidity! I would love to know why you would place glasses one inside the other and wrap with a single sheet of grey paper, when the books, files and Cd's got two layers EACH.  Every single glass is chipped or broken.  Thanks.
In our new home, we have a double garage - thanks to you we can not even park a bicycle in it.  There is a veritable mountain of corrugated card roll, bubble wrap, the intensely poisonous and vile polystyrene, boxes of every size and description and so much paper I could start my own printing works and never have to source paper for twenty years.  Have you heard that our planet is suffering and we are trying to reduce, recycle and reuse?  Have you been doing an impression of an ostrich for the last ten years or so? Think ECO, think GREEN, think ahead to the poor person who has to unpack your imbecilic wrapping.
Thank you also for making us pay for an additional shipment unit after telling us that all our belongings would not FIT into a 20 foot sea freight container.  Had I known then that not only had you over packed EVERYTHING, that you had put in at least ten 'dead' boxes (this means empty - filled with screwed up paper or with nothing at all) but also included other boxes that had the ends of rolls of paper, finished rolls of tape, sweet wrappers, screwed up tissues - obviously used..... (YUCK!) and other litter; I think I would have personally come over and smacked you ALL upside the head..... hard.  Perhaps I would have enlisted Dhoni's cricket bat to help me!
Finally thank you for robbing us blind.  It was truly incredible (that word means hard to credit in case you have already wrapped my dictionary five times!) that  several of our boxes left our home in my presence, went to your warehouse, supposedly were loaded into a sealed container which I witnessed being broken open in London and somehow went missing.  Can you explain more fully than the witless "no Madam, it was not our fault"?  I am pretty sure you can't.  The same way you cannot explain why the insurance you made us take out and pay for exorbitantly somehow has a hundred thousand terms and conditions all of which make it impossible for us to claim a single rupee (never mind a dollar or a pound).
Finally I would just like to say to you, dear, dear packers, that when a close friend suggested in her Blog that your company name should be changed to 'I-LIED'  she was right on the button.  That is your company name, mission and motto.  Congratulations on maintaining that position to the bitter end. I pray daily that we never have to deal with you again.


With deepest regrets,


SejalSez


PS - Thanks for the Diwali card you sent me wishing me a happy new year - clearly you had not seen fit to think of what you had done to my possessions - a happy new year is the furthest thing from my mind!

Fifteen years, fifteen reasons..

There are many reasons why I love to be married to My Darling.  

Here is just one for each year of our marriage!

I love the way he makes me laugh till we both cry and I get cramps in my tummy!

I love the way he makes me feel safe and protected.

I love the twinkle in his eye that tells me he still has the naughty little boy deep inside!

I love the way he swept me off my feet nearly twenty years ago.

I love his curious but wicked sense of humour.  He sees humour in things that others miss by a mile.

I love how capable he is and how able.

I love the way he loves Nikh and The Ray, unconditionally and overtly.

I love his confidence and his reserved quality.

I love the way he holds me back at times and lets me fly at times.

I love how he challenges my ideas and tones down my impetuosity.

I love his quiet calm in the face of my frantic fury.

I love that he supports my decisions even if they are not always what he thinks is the best for me.

I love the way he sings slightly off key and a few beats before the words start.

I love that he completes me and with him I feel I can do or be anything.

I just love HIM.... totally and irrevocably..... for the last twenty years and for the next million.

Happy 15th Anniversay, My Darling!

Almost a man, my son

Thirteen years ago, at 9.46am, on Friday 16th January, our little 6lb 10oz bundle of wrinkly, squalling joy arrived into this World after three and a half hours of intense labour!  My Darling, my Mum and the Angel were there.  My Dad was on a train trying to get to us as fast as he could!  The Angel cut the umbilical cord between my son and me, and sealed a bond between Aunt and nephew that is unbreakable!  We named him Nikhil which means 'whole' 'entire' and that is what his was to us - our whole, entire world!

Twelve years ago, Nikh was walking, talking and teething! A mobile, noisy cutie filled with red cheeks and raw gums!  He was still the entire centre of our world, still the only child and grandchild!  He had started at Teddies Nursery about 7 months earlier, settled right in and was a darling, waking up in the morning, breakfast and playtime, two hour nap, waking up for lunch and playtime, two hour nap, waking up for dinner and see his Da (Daddy), and then bath and bed for nearly twelve hours!  I am still surprised that he knows anything about the world as most of the time he was in dreamland! His friends from Teddies are still near and dear - Roan, Spencer, Archie, Holly, Asha, Cara, and many more. The Moan (Simone), Kim, Debbie and others are still dear to us.

Eleven years ago, Nikh was very sick, contracting Broncchial Pneumonia and ending up extremely unwell and being admitted as an emergency to the children's ward.  My Darling, my parents and the Angel hovered over him, praying for his safe recovery.  We ended up creating a mini family out of the four other tiny patients in the ward.  I will never forget thinking how lucky we are when faced with their despair at the terrible prognoses offered for their children.  Mine was going to recover (I prayed), theirs were not (I wept).  we left the hospital with inhalers and a spacer device.  Around the same time, he was diagnosed with a suspected heart murmur and scoliosis (19% curve) of the spine.  Our whole, entire world was crumbling and our beautiful baby boy was so unwell.

Ten years ago, we took Nikhil for interviews at the boys private schools and were overjoyed when he was granted admission in all the schools we applied to.  Our toddler could write several words, could spell phonetically (a bit!), could count, and add, he could tell you stories from pictures and loved doing construction games!  He was on inhalers constantly, sick continually and hardly eating anything.  Then we took him to India!

Nine years ago, we were in Chennai, India.  The plan was to go with My Darling, settle him into an apartment and then bring Nikh back to London to start his formal schooling.  We quickly realised that going to the beach every afternoon and all the fresh sea air and food was doing Nikh a world of good.  He soon began using his inhalers less, began to eat regularly.  He began to gain some colour and was truly energetic.  How could I possibly go back? How could I take him to the cold and wet and damp that was making him so ill?  So he started at Kids Central Playschool and made some fantastic friends, Rajwa, Hamza, Baby Amr, Gul, Sanah, Tarsha, Annika and several others. These children were and still are good strong friends.

Eight years ago, Nikh was stronger, brighter and very very happy.  We applied to The School, KFI in Adyar, and we passed the parent interview, he passed his and he started there in June.  His closest friends went with him, all was right with his world.

Seven years ago, My Darling said that we might go home - so we started the process to transfer Nikh from running barefoot in the sand, hiding under the stairs to find ants in the playground, swinging from a Banyan tree that was 100 years old, leaning Tamil, learning to nurture nature (the school has its own cow - which once ran amok!!), from using chalk and slate or writing on the floor, from eating a full Indian lunch with his fingers to the brand new, hi-tech American International School in Taramani to gain a transition to wearing shoes again, to sitting at desks and using workbooks as the norm, to taking part in several sports.   Jeanette Parry was his first teacher there - what an angel - a loving, nurturing teacher who adored him - the feeling was mutual!

 Later that year several of his closest friends left Chennai and Nikh had to learn about separation.  He had his mummy for a teacher for some time and his other teacher, Kaylynne Matheson, taught Nikhil about self discipline, self motivation and doing your absolute best. She also taught him sign language and  how to laugh at himself. She was incredible.

Six years ago, our world was rocked on its axis. The Tsunami hit Chennai HARD. People we knew died, were swept away.  We were lucky.  The cottage we should have been staying in, at Fisherman's Cove, was hugely damaged and the guest who took our place was injured.  Nikh was learning about human tragedy, suffering and endurance on a huge and personal scale.  What he saw in the news, what he read in the papers was REAL.  Meanwhile, after an ectopic pregnancy and a few miscarriages, we had a baby girl who was a ray of sunshine and our own tsunami!  The Ray was wonderful for Nikh as he was allowed to take a day off school in celebration (my rule is that you have to be dead, dying or bleeding to miss school!).  On the downside, most of the rest of his 'best' friends left Chennai and Nikh

Five years ago, Nikh started thinking outside of himself.  He ran his own bake sale first for the Tsunami victims, and then for Habitat for Humanity and with some clever negotiating, persuaded his Nana to top up his seven thousand rupees to seventy five thousand rupees and raised enough money for the high schoolers at AISC to build an entire extra house! His teacher was utterly brilliant and encouraged him and supported him through it all - Becky Thomas. A talented teacher, creative, musical, artistic, constantly learning, changing, adapting and so full of energy and motivation.  A star!

Four years ago, Nikh managed to show that his character is forming nicely. He made friends with a huge influx of kids, he was on the Student council and was offering suggestions to make the school a better place.  He was IT student of the year, he got into fights with his closest friends and learning about making up and saying sorry. He joined the Madras Kids and realised what a gift his voice is - pure and clear and with perfect pitch!

Three years ago, he started trying to better himself at his sports, he started setting goals for himself each year.  He started practicing the piano more, he took part in another Madras Kids production.  He finally understood that each action has a consequence - that distracting himself in class might mean distracting others too.  He had one of the most fantastic teachers, Carolynn Fischer.  She had a baby and still continued doing the mega job she always had.  Her first and last thought was for her class.  She used parents to the best advantage to make sure her class go the best and most experiences.  In the process, she made other teachers better at their job and made parents appreciate how very very lucky we were to have her teach our children.

Two years ago, Nikh entered the Middle School - his Principal, Michele Dirksen, his counsellor, Trish Joudrey and some of his teachers motivated him.  They encouraged him to be self sustaining, to self manage his equipment, his property, his body and his education.  They showed him how to be independent.  They encouraged him to do his best, to try out for sports teams.  The cut him from the team to teach him a much needed lesson.  He had to learn to cope with criticism and disappointment.  Coaches Sebastian, Kostas and Dirksen taught him that even if they like him, they have to judge on performance and dedication and commitment.  His art and music teachers taught him that he can do anything that he sets his mind to.  His English and Science teachers taught him that all is not fair in life and you have to deal with stuff. The teachers that took him away for a week without walls showed him through example that there are adults outside of family and friends upon whom he can depend.  Who like him for who he is, not for whose son he is.

Last year, Nikh left Chennai.  he learnt to cope with emotional trauma on a devastating scale for him.  He had to say goodbye to his friends cum surrogate family.  He had to go to umpteen 'goodbye' dinners and lunches and realise how loved he was.  He had to come to terms with how close he had become to so many different people.   He had to come back to his 'home' that really was not a home.  He had to reconnect with his friends who have no knowledge of him.  His friends Roan and Archie have been fantastic.  He has started at a school where there as many kids in his year group as in half the school at AISC!  He is now one of many.  He is alone, unknown and alien.  He has had to learn to yank himself up by his bootstraps, dry his tears and get on with it, in spite of feeling alone and unloved and unwanted.  He has taken a few months to make a couple of friends.  He has worked hard and had a few shocks at how some children behave in school, how they talk to teachers and how disrespectful they are.  It is a credit to AISC that it had not even occurred to him that kids can behave this way!  He had to realise that extra lessons in keyboard, vocal coaching, badminton, choir and science were his responsibility.  If he didn't make sure he went, no one else was going to!  Life lessons!  He got his first report card and came third in his year (out of 300 kids).  His grades were great.  His Head of Year asked him to produce better next time around and he was astounded!!

This year - Nikh has read the poem IF by Rudyard Kipling.  He is going to try to live by it.

Now that he is thirteen and almost a man, my son is going to undergo some mega changes.  But some things will always stay the same.  The love My Darling, The Ray and I have for him.  The respect we have for his many talents and the thanks we give each day for his health and good humour!

Happy Birthday Nikh!  I love you!
(PS photos posted on Facebook and in a seperate post)

Dreaming in Dubai

Since living in Chennai, Dubai became our oasis in the desert of muck, grime, germs, bugs, and unruly crowdedness.  We loved for the times we could hop on an Emirates jet and fly straight into the arms of clean, sparkling malls; hygienic eateries and relatively few bugs.  Since moving home to London, coming to Dubai still holds the same appeal, but not for the same reasons.  We LOVE it here, simply LOVE it!  We enjoy the peace and quiet - no horns tooting.  Wherever we stay is not on any flight path, so no jets overhead.  The occasional 'whup-whup' of helicopter blades is not irritating, merely interesting - gives me a chance to make up an imaginary billionaire or dashing Prince heading to some world changing meeting or the other!

We love the crystal clear blue sea (some of it man-made - I agree!) but still gorgeous nonetheless!  We love the feel of the breeze - warm in the summer and like today, chilly, in the winter.  We love the fountains below the Burj Khalifa.  The music and choreography enthrals us relentlessly as we sit on the balcony with a definite bird's eye view!  We love the view from 51 storeys above ground - the unique architecture all around us and I defy Nikh to find two buildings that are alike!

We love the feel of the flown-in sand beneath our toes, the divine cooling lemon ice lollies that are dished out by the pool and beach staff to cool you down as you heat yourself up!  We love the underwater music system in the pool - easy to swim laps when you are being serenaded with every stroke and splash!  We love the cool, wet face cloths offered to ease your burning skin under the scorching sun.  We love the ease with which you can move from hotel room to water park and back again when they are all part of the same resort.  We love the way the kids are treated - with smiles and understanding.

We love the food - fresh, tasty and scrumptious.  We love the Hummus, the Tabbouleh, the Labneh, the Shawarma, the breads, the meat and fish and poultry.  We love the variety and the presentation.  We love the portions and the speed with which food is prepared and served!  We love the fact that fast food, when the Ray is starving, is just that!  We love the numerous coffee shops - Caribou, Starbucks, Second Cup, Gloria Jean's and more.  We love the choice of ice-cream shops - Baskin Robbins, Haagen-Dasz, Coldstone Creameries and the rest.  The fruit and veg are crunchy, crispy, sweet and tasty.  The quality is top notch and the colours are myriad.

We love the shopping - albeit a little expensive, window style works fine!  Designers vie with high street brands.  The outlet mall is wonderful, the Mall of the Emirates, Dubai Mall and Mall on the Marina are wonderful - best part is that you can walk miles and miles and never realise it.  Even better - the toilets are constantly cleaned and can be used without fear of dirt and disease!

But above all, we love the down time.  We love the time we spend together as a family, talking, walking, laughing, sharing and enjoying.  There is negotiation, debate and conversation about where to go next, which film to watch and what to have for the next meal.  Arguments are nil, stress, frustration and anger have gone with the wind.

For my dream holiday, or the holiday when I dream all day - Dubai is the top of my pops! I LOVE IT!!

Half Term Hurrah!!

Those of you who know us well, know that My Darling flies off all over the place and leaves the kids and me to get on with it.  This time, he had to go in the middle of their mid term school holidays.  This was not good news for anyone - Nikh was playing in a tennis tournament and was not happy that Dad would be missing (Mum is not good enough to coach and cheer!); The Ray was unimpressed and showed him with the expressions on her face that she would not forgive this absence easily (we were all shaking in our shoes!) and I was dreading having to occupy two grouchy kids for nearly a week before school reopened.

In charges my sister, The Angel, in a black Audi and scoops us up from the jaws of despondency.  She whisks us off to Kensington and Chelsea in a flurry of Chanel and Donna Karan!  There followed a jam packed, event filled few days.  The Royal Philharmonic playing the Beatles with Dame Shirley Bassey making a stunning, awe-inspiring appearance; dinner out, breakfast out at chic croissanteries, Kensington Church Kitchens quickly became the breakfast hang out!  Westfield mall became the local high street - shops, restaurants and a multiplex cinema a scant five minutes from The Angel's cloud.  We took advantage of this and walked for miles in it's climate controlled hallways.  We danced with a new game that was being demonstrated, got free samples of Coke Zero, bought a spectacular Diwali gift for our Mum, the children's Nani, and ate our way around the World - Lebanese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Indian, Fish and Chips, French Crepes and Italian gelato.  We headed up to the Vue cinema and booked VIP seats for the 3D Alpha and Omega (a little dodgy on the subject matter - all about mating wolves!!) and indulged in very American sweet popcorn.

A few whirlwind, celebrity spotting, days later, we repacked the black steed and galloped back to the suburbs to rejoin our daily grind.  School bags at the ready, lunch boxes, water bottles, blazers and ties.  We are now in the season of Duffel Coats and woollen hats - more stuff for the kids to lose!

The daily grind hit hard today!  We got stuck in traffic this morning after trying to Skype My Darling before school, I almost crashed the new car, forgot to lock it when I walked The Ray into school and narrowly missed a lamp post as I went home.  Insult to injury, I slipped on the wet step of the car and almost landed on my face in front of the gardeners!

Have decided that after the Hurrahs of the half term holiday, time for some green tea, curl up on the sofa and only go out when absolutely necessary today!  Can't wait for My Darling to come home!

Ciao for now, Chennai

I know - this one has been a long time coming, but I had to wait until it REALLY hit me!  We have left Chennai!  We arrived there over nine years ago with a three year old, three suitcases and a three month visit planned for Nikh and myself.  My Darling was to stay for a year.  We left several weeks ago with a twenty foot sea freight container, twelve suitcases, six carry on baggage, a twelve and a half year old, a five and a half year old and many regrets that we had not seen and done everything we should have! 


My Darling was finding that he was travelling abroad for more time than he was with us in Chennai.  He would try to cram as many meetings into each trip as (in)humanly possible, often landing in London, racing home to change and for example,heading to Oxford by mid morning.  This is not good.  It is not safe and it is not healthy.  The up side for us was a new shopping list for him to fill each trip, but the downside was a lot of time without him, a lot of 'coping' and a lot of relying on good friends to fill the gap, help out, ferry the kids, and even have us move in when the cockroaches invaded!


AISC - as you may have read in previous posts - the school in Chennai was practically the centre of our universe.  We were thoroughly invested as a family.  I volunteered and helped in any way possible, ran the Food Committee, a Multicultural Committee, was President of the PTA, worked as a coordinator in the Elementary School before taking on a class of my own; ran Madras Kids, worked on the After School Activities programme, helped with SAISA, organised Bake Sales, Yard Sales and Charity Fairs. And this was not the half of it!  Nikh trained for different teams, raised money for the Tsunami Appeal and Habitat for Humanity, took an active role on the Student Council and was even planning to be a Student Ambassador had we stayed on.  The Ray had only just started at the school shortly before we left, but she made her mark too - Friday after school picnics were her contribution!


We were very sorry to leave, but we are starting to get bogged down - the Elementary Principal was a complete waste of space - in my opinion.  She agreed with the loudest voice, barely attended meetings, treated the competent staff poorly and promoted the incompetent ones.  She is gone now!  The Middle School Principal was truly the bees knees.  She was fantastic - the school's saving grace! The Security Manager was too busy 'entertaining' nannies and toddlers in his office to bother securing the school.  The  secretaries and other admin staff were wonderful.  The custodial staff - the lowest rung of the ladder were incredible!  They worked hard, they worked long and like the admin staff, they supported every single event organised by the PTA and parent body, even when the majority of the faculty did not feel they should.  We noticed that teachers in the Middle School were beginning to treat kids as favourites and others as not so favourite.  Senior teachers would show full length movies over the course of two or three lessons to make a point that could have been made in a 5 minute clip.  Some teachers were shown to be less and less accountable.  Some teachers were beginning to take advantage of the fact that children move on regularly as an excuse to NOT do their best. Some teachers need to be forced to retire - NOW!  Others need to be made to work forever!  On the other hand, there are teachers who do not feel they are teaching enough hours each week, who would love to work harder and who openly state that they would leave this school because of the lack of process, protocol and accountability.  In may view those are the ones we need to KEEP!


So as a result, we made the decision to take Nikh away from the school he has been to since he was tiny and bring him home to London to experience the British Curriculum.  He got a place in one of the best state schools in Harrow.  He is now enjoying, in addition to English, Maths and three sciences, Design and Technology, ICT, French, German, Classics, Religious Education and Philosophy, Drama, Music, Art, PE, Citizenship, Geography, History and he is pulled out of class for Keyboard lessons and vocal coaching.  He is also part of the choir which meets at lunchtime and attends Badminton Club which is run by a national champion after school.  I feel that AISC needs to broaden it's horizons.  It needs to expand the curriculum, to make teachers accountable for what they do and do not teach.  To make the pastoral care a priority.  The Principals and Head of School need to be more mobile - moving around the school, the classes and 'popping' in all over the place.  Don't get me wrong - I love that school.... I just want it to be sooooo much better!


It has not been easy.  The Ray is in a private co-ed prep school. Nikh is in a State school.  Luckily both are on the same road, about a mile apart!  Their holidays are different.  Their timings are different.  Neither child finds wearing a blazer and tie easy.  Neither child is enjoying the constant drizzle of the last month and the frosty mornings of the last week.  Both children (and their mother) long for the blazing hot humidity of Chennai.


But for now, I think we are doing the right thing.  We still have a long way to go - we need a new house. We have a new car and new cell phones.   I need to find a job.  We have to work our way through The Ray's first ever winter, and our first real winter in nearly ten years.  We have to get over missing our friends every single day.  We are finding that notes from friends, texts popping into the phone and skype calls are as essential now that we are 'home' as when we were away.


The worst part for me is feeling like a stranger in my own home town,  I spent so much time trying to make people feel comfortable, secure and like they knew Chennai, I am eternally grateful to the old friends and new friends from The Ray's class who are literally taking me under their wing!


Leaving Chennai was really, really tough.  It had become home.  It had become the centre of our world. It had become everything to us.


So we sai 'Ciao for now, Chennai' you will always be a fond memory, but not a stranger - we will visit and we will stay close!  Thanks for the memories and the friends!

Ch..Ch..Ch...Changes

I am sure there are people who live there who think that Chennai is simply the pits of the Earth!  They find the environment dirty, polluted and dank.  They hate the people urinating and spitting anywhere and everywhere.  They find the traffic is simply too chaotic to bear and they hate that you can't buy a good bottle of wine, or a beer, with your meal at every restaurant.

Well, speaking as the grandma in the corner, clutching a stiff drink and sucking on my false teeth, let me tell you about the good old days!!

When we came to Chennai, ALL those years ago, there were many things not available or not built that the ex-pats who choose Chennai now take for granted.  
The long life sterilised milk, for example, both the full fat and the skimmed version did not exist.  Many of us spent time boiling and straining milk to make it palatable for us and our children.  
Eggs came in one variety - warm, covered in feathers and bird poo, and in a plastic bag, so mostly broken by the time you got home!


Yoghurt - set yoghurt was not available, again, I would warm milk, add a starter and leave over night to make the plain curd for the next day's meals and buttermilk. Rinse and repeat!


Imported vegetables and fruit - very, very scarce, few and far between and you only got them if the shop keeper knew and liked you, so saved them for you; or if you were in the right place at the right time!


Restaurants and hotels - there was the Park Sheraton, the GRT Grand, Fish Cove, the Connemara and the Coromandel available to us as 'safe' places to eat and drink - no Marriott, no Hilton, no Park, no Taj Mount Road and certainly no Azulhia, Tuscana, Italia, Anokhi, Sandy's, Cream Centre, Mocha, etc etc etc - no nightclubs except for one in the Park Sheraton which was mostly a dive!  Now there are new places opening daily offering food, drink and variety galore - whoopee!!


Schools - AISC was there, but based in an office building and a cultural centre in the middle of a busy street - no facilities to speak of and small, small classes.  I think there were 150 or so kids when we first arrived.  So we chose an Indian pre-school and followed up with LKG/UKG at the KFI (The School - Krishnamurti Foundation).  A lovely philosophy, a nurturing, caring place except that the toilets were holes in the floor - eeeeuw!!  Nikh got used to it, but I could not cope!  eventually under the idea that we would soon be leaving Chennai, we moved Nikh to the American International School.  The school was compact and more like an extended family - we instantly made fast friends and fell in love with the whole shebang!  The PTA was involved and active, the parent body joined in almost everything, the teachers and faculty leaders were enthusiastic and energetic (on the whole!!) and we fitted right in!  I was offered a job, Nikh settled down perfectly - utterly brilliant class teachers for the first three years - KG, Grade 1, skip Grade 2 as a write off and a simply incredible Grade 3.  By now we were invested as a family and we had The Ray - our Chennai-born addition to our family!


As Nikh moved up the school, other establishments opened up, offered expat curriculi (is that a word?!) and tried to match the facilities.  They called themselves 'international', 'American' 'British', 'German' etc.  Truth was - none of them was really real!  We were in the best choice for our child.


Now - pre-schools are expanding and calling themselves full blown schools, new schools and pre-schools open regularly, children's centres offer play areas, coffee and classes - the main issue is that there is no regulatory body for all these operations - AISC is fully accredited and can be held accountable.  To whom do the others answer?  


Shopping in general - department stores have opened (Ebony, Lifestyle, Westside) and some have closed too.  They were not what we were used to - no service, people pushing and shoving because they found the orderly layout too difficult! Many of the items on sale could be found cheaper at Parry's Corner or in T-Nagar.  But they had a few items that you couldn't find anywhere else - I once found an ice pack for bumped heads in the shape of Spiderman's head - it is brilliant - I still have it after nine years!
Parry's corner is an experience.  I seem to recall having to go at least once a year to ensure that I had enough stuff for Halloween, Christmas and birthday parties.  T-Nagar, Pondy bazaar, the fish market etc - all great adventures!


But you know - in all the time we lived there - a few things never changed - the friends we made, both local people who will still be there when we go back to Chennai in 10 years time, and the expat friends who have passed through the city like a breath of fresh air - both sets of friends are good, strong and loved.  Another thing that remained the same in all our years was the phenomenal way we were treated in the hotels, restaurants and most of the shops.  People are friendly, welcoming and mostly want to help you.


In my view this far out weighs the cheating maids, the staff who rob you blind, the constant asking for money from beggars on the street to your employees who earn substantial salaries.  The people who have become interwoven in the rich tapestry of our lives totally make up for the Madras Eye, the mosquito bites, the stream of viruses that seemed to be a continual drone!  These friends cum extended family - many of whom we travel great distances to see and be near are for life.  Things in Chennai continue to change!

Jump back in time - part two!

So now that Priya is ancient history, we can move on to her replacement.  I have an inkling by now that we may not be staying on in India for too much longer and I have started to lose interest in the whole thing!  Bad news!  I hired a maid apathetically.  I ignored my gut instinct and took her on in spite of the fact I suspected she was arrogant, unafraid and bolshy.  I turned out to be right, unfortunately.

she started working the day of The Ray's party and simply carried on from there.  Her cooking was not great - in fact it was not even good!  Her cleaning, although fast as lightening, was not thorough or hygienic.  Her ironing, although fast as lightening, was not crease free or smooth - are you seeing a pattern here?  Yes she worked like the clappers, but the work was slap-dash and sub standard.  I started getting her to clean and prepare ingredients and then I cooked them to make them edible.  A waste of time and money having her around if I am doing the majority of the work myself.

She had a couple of warnings, she tried to change.  What is that old saying about leopards and spots??!!

I tolerated and endured for a another few months, gladly running off on holiday just to avoid having to see this woman in my house all day.  the reason for not throwing her out - I have six weeks left in Chennai at this point - I need to grin and bear it.... or at least just bear it!

In the end even that was not possible.  I had a spate of health issues - I broke my toe, I needed a biopsy done and I fractured a couple of ribs (long stories all of them!).  You would think that having a maid in the house would make life a little easier right?  Wrong!  The woman chooses this time (hottest time in Chennai, traditionally used for visiting the 'native place') to abscond and absent herself from work.  She asked for a day or two as her daughter (14yrs) has kidney stones and needs surgery.  Liar! She returned on the third day after ignoring or cutting calls from the driver and me repeatedly.  Surprise!  She popped in to show what a good worker she is - I came home from school at 9am to find the house almost completely spotless!  She was racing around like a headless chicken to clean, clear and iron.  Then came the stinger - she wanted a 'loan' of Rs50,000 - just like that!  I refused, she said the office guys told her that if I said yes - they would authorise the load,  Liar!  She told me she needed it for laser surgery for the girl.  Liar!  She told me she would take the girl to her mother or her mother in law and come right back.  Liar!  She was gone for three weeks, and my friends (thank God for them) looked after my family and me.  They made meals, sat with me, took me to the hospitals, helped me dress and undress and made sure my kids were taken to school and brought back each day, we were fed and watered and that I followed instructions to the letter.  Good Friends - in fact - THE BEST!

The best part of the story is the outlandish list of excuses we were presented with both during and after she chose to return to work.  Here is a meaty selection - she had heart bypass surgery - Liar!  She had heart surgery and the stitches in her heart have become loose - Liar!  She had heart surgery but she will come back to work tomorrow.  she is fine - Liar!  She had a baby but the baby had to be taken out of her - Liar!  She eventually came back to work, found out she had missed a vital newsflash of our imminent departure and then tried to make me thing that PYT (who came to visit with her baby etc) was robbing me blind - Liar!

What makes me mad as hell was the fact that she thought that if we are leaving - she has the RIGHT to anything and everything in my house, whether I want her to have it or not.  She tried hard to make me give everything to her - but in the end, her greed and stupidity  and her deceitfulness were her downfall.  Good riddance!!

Jump back in time - part one!

 January 31st - As of 6.20 this morning - Priya is NO MORE!!  Priya is/was the cook, ironing lady and The Ray person in this house.  She babysat when I needed and generally ran the house when I am out.  She took in gas deliveries, water deliveries, dealt with the a/c man, electrian and plumber, ordered and paid for the meat etc etc.

She also cleaned the fruit and veg for me and cooked some food for the kids.  The food tasted quite good and the kids were getting used to her.

But - and here is the BIG problem - why do maids feel the need to bring their outside work problems to work? She has problems at home - all which involve her either leaving work early (usually on a day when the ironing is stacked to the ceiling) or not coming in at all - again on a day when I have plans!!  She calls in sick with alarming frequency - but she is not sick at all - her mother is a demanding harridan.  And this final thing - fighting and brawling in the street with another maid like a pair of wild animals.

On the day of the Charity Fair - again a day when I actually NEED the woman, she chooses to stop and have a cat fight with a maid from down the road.  They are separated by some drivers who witnessed the incident and then encouraged to go to the Police.  I would not care what is happening, except that I had left the house at 6.30am for school to set up the fair (with Nikh in tow) and have moved into PTA mode with a vengeance.  I had left clear instructions with both the driver and the maid about the schedule for the day - starting with Priya bringing The Ray to the school and supervising her until My Darling managed to leave his office (yes he works on a Saturday too!) and then enjoying the rest of the day with the family and hopefully spotting other maids that she knows and having a fun day.

Nah - too bloody simple - revised plan - fight on the way to work, spend the rest of the day at the Police station and pay over Rs1000 for wasting police time,come and pester me (with her crazy mother in tow)  at 6pm when I was trying to leave for a Mexican Fiesta party and try to get some money and sympathy out of me.  Me - I slog at the charity fair all day, My Darling has The Ray until good friends snap her up and My Darling can go back to work!

She thought she held the winning hand - The Ray has her birthday party coming up - 70 or so people in the garden - catered and entertained by your truly.  So she thinks I need her for all the work to come in the next couple of days.  Boy, is she WRONG!!

So she shows up to work the next day - after the mother has screamed and yelled at people on the way to work, outside our gate etc.  She says she cannot possibly allow her pure, innocent girl to come to work alone when clearly our driver is a menace to her and I am not caring for her.  In fact she accused me of keeping her at work till all hours every single day.  Those who know me also know that I send the staff on their merry way well before closing time on many, many days.  To be sent home mid afternoon is not unusual.  The million dollar question is - where was sweet, innocent Priya going between 2pm and 12 midnight, and then claiming that I kept her late at work and would not pay her overtime!!???  again - not my problem.  I told Priya that her mother would not be allowed inside my house even if she insisted on following her to work.  They also came four hours late because the old bat could not walk very fast.  She stood at my gate hurling abuse at anyone and everyone until I had to tell her to stand outside the gate or I would call the Police!

Things were not looking so pretty!  Ultimatum time - either come to work sans harridan mother or don't come to work anymore.  Priya called and said she would come to work and live with us (not an option!!) and her brother called and said she would not be coming to work anymore because I do not protect her well enough!! I said goodbye! HUGE SIGH of RELIEF!

The next couple of days passed in Bliss, bliss bliss!  Until I realised that we have a party to put on!!  At last count I have 49 kids, 6 babies/toddlers and unknown numbers of adults. all very welcome, but all are gonna have to take it as it comes. the cakes are in the oven as we speak. the cookies will be baked tomorrow, sandwiches made on Saturday morning; jelly pots made tomorrow and pasta, samosas, hummus etc on Saturday. I have no trouble doing it all myself.  I just wish I had had some notice of all the impending doom and gloom - I may have made slightly different plans - but probably not!

I called my old maid Amudha, I called my friends maid, Sarah, I brought in Amu's friend Eswari (who was Priya's potential replacement) and I had two maids from My Darling's office to generally clean and check the bathrooms all day.  A veritable army of help! Amu has always been diligent, and works hard though not always with good initiative!  But she was an able, trustworthy body in my kitchen while I was down in the garden.  There was a plethora of activities for the kids to enjoy - cutting, sticking, Bollywood dancing, gluing, colouring etc.  My many friends stepped int o run activities for me; My Darling was in charge of photos and food distribution and I managed the whole shebang!

Upshot - thank goodness it all worked out.  I had my driver supervise the million maids and make sure all right stuff came down at the right time, make sure the samosas were picked up, the safe ice was in plentiful supp;y and that all the drivers of our guests had tea and snacks through the party time.  He did a damn good job!  the kids seemed to have a blast, The Ray loved her shark cake, though some faint hearted souls were scared stiff!  The photos turned out well, thanks to another friend running around with my camera.  And I collapsed in a heap at the end of the day unable to budge for 48 hours!

Team Birthday Party in Action - job well done!

Bowled Over!

Last evening, My Darling persuaded (nay ordered) me to get dinner, homework etc sorted out early as we were going to 'the cricket'.  Anyone who has been in India more than five minutes knows that Cricket is one of the most important parts (or 'time pass' if you are in Chennai - used in a sentence: "cricket is a good time pass for children"!) of daily life.  In fact it is significantly more important than daily life as all activities come to a virtual standstill if India is playing... or worse still, with the advent of the IPL Twenty20, if the Chennai SuperKings team is playing.

I need to get something very straight here - my idea of a good time is definitely NOT being touched, pushed and shoved around in a crowd of the local people.  I do not want to queue outside a stadium, only to find that the 'queue' never moves because of the number of people cutting in at the front.  I do not want to raise my blood pressure or my hand because complete strangers feel it is their right to touch my daughter's face.  I do not want to go somewhere in order to have a fight (hopefully only verbal), to get angry and to (God forbid) lose one or both of my children in the teeming crowds. Not my idea of a good time. No No No!  I even hate going to the malls here for the same reasons.  I go alone, or with My Darling on a weekday morning when we know that most of the rest of the city is at work, school or home.  Much easier on everyone!

My idea of a good time is either to stay home, go to a friend's house, go to a restaurant or hotel where I know we will be treated well and in a clean and hygeinic environment and above all - the toilets are user friendly!  So Madras Cricket Stadium does not make the list of my top million favourite things to do in Chennai, never mind the top ten in my Chennai Champion list!

I begged, cajoled, pleaded and demanded to be let off this one very, very onerous and odious excursion.  To no avail.  My Darling was determined to make sure that the kids and  I got to at least one cricket match before we exit stage left.  Eventually I gave in very ungracefully and got myself organised to go - hand sanitizer, wet wipes, tissues, phone, camera and some money in my pocket.  Oh and another bottle of hand wash in case we used up the first one!

We had tickets on the Madras Cricket Club Terrace seats.  These were the better seats and instead of the hard bleacher style seating, we had individual plastic chairs.  We were seated about a dozen or so rows back from the pitch and I have to say that from the moment we got there, I was in awe.  I was struck by sights, sounds, few smells and just every sense went on high alert and sensory overload.  The crowd around us was well behaved, well mannered, seated (except when everyone jumped up - EVERYtime Chennai Superkings hit the ball!) and for the most part totally engrossed in the action on the field and only there to support the home side.

I was shocked at quite how many people were crammed into the stadium and spent the first five minutes trying to find our nearest fire-emergency exit and realised it was the one that absolutely everyone there would have to use (shock/horror) and ran through several gruesome scenarios in my mind to prepare myself for all eventualities!  After that, I forgot about everything except the cricket, the crowd and the cricketeers (as the players are now being addressed!!). 

The match was wonderful.  Fast paced, full of fumbles, finger-cracking catches and phenomenal bowling.  The crowd - well, how do you describe a humungous number of people, showing their love, adulation, admiration and loyalty for 22 men who have proved themselves on the cricket battlefield to be some of the best in the world.  Sachin Tendulkar - god of the cricket players, Dhoni - the King, Hayden - the gentle giant, Harbhajan - the long legged bowler, Malinga - incredible!  Just to be watching these guys strut their stuff was enough of a thrill.  Once they got into the game and started hammering fours and sixes towards our seating area - the intensity and excitement just got bigger and louder!  The people in the crowd, both Indian and non, were there for a common purpose - to see the teams in action in real life.  They did not disappoint.  These guys sweated their guts out - literally.  Sachin had to retire for a spell to the dressing rooms to recover from over heating and cramps.   He still came back out to support his team in their efforts and to try to finish the game.  The Chennai Lions were just on fire, and won by 24 runs. Wahoooo!

My over-riding thought all evening was that if there was some way to harness the sheer energy emmitted by the crowd, the electric atmosphere and the noise of the roars of approval and encouragement, I am certain we could power the city for days on end!  Move over solar and wind energy - here comes some wicket wattage!!

Fourteen and counting!

Here we are - fourteen years on.  It is our wedding anniversary again!  I think I said it all last year in 'unlucky for some' and I can't really add much to it!

We are still in Chennai but My Darling is travelling far more than he used to.  Most times he whips round the globe and tries to be back within a couple of weeks.  More recently it is taking a little longer!  I find that I still don't like to be without him.  Yes, the kids go to bed earlier.  Yes, I don't have to cook full meals for him.  Yes, we are a lot more relaxed about what time we come home from school and tend to linger longer and longer each day!  Yes, there is no-one mucking up the entire bed, turning over with Richter Scale rumpling and no- one snoring on my right!  But there is also no-one for me to tangle my legs with, no one to talk to in the quiet of the night, no-one to share my thoguhts and feelings with and no-one to depend upon when I hear funny noises (and in India, trust me there are many, many funny noises) in the rest of the house in the dead of night!

I find I sleep with my senses on alert, my cell phone on silent and the land line by my bed.  It is at times like this I think about how much he changed me and changed my life by sharing it with me.  Will I ever be the same again! 

There we were, he born in Bombay, India, me born in Kampala, Unganda.  He moving from city to city, me moving from country to country (Uganda to Kenya to England).  We spent time together in his summer holidays, as kids, in London. His family came there in May.  We tolerated each other, endured enforced time spent together (our parents were/are good friends).  We were defintiely not too keen on each other!

Years later, he returned to England as a grown man, took me out once (at my Dad's request for an escort to an event in the centre of town!); brought me home late at night, firing questions all the way back.  Proposed to me over the phone the next day (on my Dad's phone bill, I might add!!) and scared me to death!  Persisted and pestered by showing up at my classroom, helping out with the PE lessons, turning up unexpectedly to take me out to lunch or dinner, showing up on the doorstep at 6am on my birthday with an entire brand new outfit for me to wear and  the car boot full of red roses and lots of birthday cards!  Constantly surprising me and keeping me off balance!  Eventually, I gave in!!

Here we are nineteen years (add in a five year engagement!), two kids, five houses, too many cars to count and two countries and umpteen flights to many destinations later - still enjoying each other's company.  Still choosing to be with one another.  Still writing the intricate story that is our life together.  Still giggling together till we cry (much to Nikh's embarrassed disgust!!).  Still rough and tumbling with and without the kids.  Still looking forward and backward at our lives together.  He still teases me mercilessly. Still keeps me in the dark about everything until he is ready to spill the news!  Still tries to make most of the decisions (operative word there is 'tries'!!)  Still walks slowly when I am in a rush and speeds along when I am meandering!  Still holds my hand in public and in private, no matter which country, which city, which day, which hour!

Goodness knows why we fit the way we do... so very different! He is a neat freak, I don't really notice the mess till I trip up on it!  He knows exactly what he wants and will not settle for less, I am pretty easy going and will compromise!  He is all about getting the best - equipment, tv, music system, car etc.  I am all about getting what we can afford and getting a good deal!  He sees the massive, globally big picture with the details already added, I see a vision and try to make it a reality!  He reads one book at a time until it is finished, I have between four and eight books on the go (in the car, in the bathroom, in my handbag, in the bedroom etc) and dip in and out of each one until I finish them all at once.  He is pragmatic, I am romantic.  He is a realist, I am an idealist. he is a do-er, I am a dreamer!  And yet our principles, our beliefs, our ideals, so much the same!  Our fierce,touchpaper tempers, our intense love for our children, our love of music, theatre, good bargains, great deals and memorable trips, so much the same!  Our love and loyalty for our friends, old, new and the forever kind, our need to do what we can to help someone, our attempts to maintain and nurture friendships in spite of time zones and geography, so much the same.

I am just waiting for Friday to start writing a new chapter.... together!

Superwoman I am not!

I seem to have been a bit off kilter for the last few weeks.  These things happen!  Maybe Jupiter was in line with Saturn in Pisces or something!  But either way I feel as though I have been a bit grumpy at the World!  I have been taking things a bit too personally and thinking I could leap tall buildings with a single bound and fix all the wrongs to make them right.

Small epiphany in the middle of the night (those who know me well know that I don't often sleep through a whole night!): everything is not mine to solve!  All the problems at school, at home, in committees, at work, global warming, world peace, poverty and starvation among under developed countries - not mine to fix.  Of course I can do my bit.  I can raise awareness.  I can state my view.  I can even offer small steps towards simple solutions to some of the above.  But I cannot fix it all!

As a result of this self realisation - the load from my shoulders lifted.  I am walking taller and smiling again!  The problems of the entire world are no longer entirely mine.  I think having parents (other than me) actually showing up to a recent Board meeting and stating their case, having parents write in with their issues and seeing other people as disgruntled as I (with committees, with the traffic, with the rubbish on the streets) made me realise I am not alone.

So I hung up my cape and bullet proof wrist bands and I am on a hiatus!  The result - I am back to being me!

Life Lessons Served and Volleyed

Nikh played in the SAISA Tennis Tournament this weekend.  He was picked from a bunch of kids to make up two teams of four boys and there were two teams of girls too.  He was pleased as Punch to be chosen and practised extra hard, got his kit ready a week in advance, tried to make sure his grades did not slip (otherwise you get cut from the team!).  He set his own alarm clock (a most irritating loud, singing clock from my sister!).  He made sure all his bags, his breakfast and anything he needed for the day was at the front door the night before and for the first four weeks of the season, he was right on track!  The fifth week saw a slump - he had been on his Week Without Walls trip by then, had been to a friend's party and sleepover and was now on his last legs!

I think the late nights, early mornings and constant energy drain had caught up.  Nikh was already seeing what life as a college student could be like ... exhausting!  Burning the candle at both ends is not a good idea!  So we tried to slow down on other parts of life to allow a little regeneration.

It worked, sort of!  Unfortunately the Coach did not see fit to let the team rest the day before SAISA began and Nikh was up at 5am on Thursday for squad training and really lagging in the energy department!  

The tournament began with a 7.30am  start for uniform pick up at school and team photos!  The excitement was palpable. Nikh was beside himself with being a part of a team and loved having a couple of friends picked too.  Off to the Krishnan Tennis Centre and let the games begin!

Nikh had a bit of a slow start and his first match began at 12.45 after waiting in a state of high anxiety all morning.  Once he hit that first ball - you could see the glow of enjoyment light him up.  He played pretty well, a little distracted here and there, but with a love of tennis that was clear.  He may have won and lost matches - most of the kids were much bigger physically and stronger; also older than him.  This did not faze him as he kept on hitting the ball back.

The Ray visited to spectate and said, "Watch the ball, Buddi" (words straight out of her father's mouth!).  My Darling, currently in New York sent frequent text messages along the lines of  - don't give in, don't let a point go and run for every ball!  Good friends popped in to see him play - luckily at just the right time, and I know Nikh was proud that people he loves cared enough to take time from their weekend to make the trek!  I would have stayed rooted to my Pavilion spot but  Nikh begged a girlfriend to remove me from the scene!

Anyway - wins and losses - humility in victory and grace in defeat - all good life lessons.  Also learning to win a point with humble gratitude and to lose a point with dignity and credit where it is due are all good life skills.  I liked that other coaches mentioned him to me for his optimistic attitude, his cheerfulness and sportsmanship both on and off the court.  Other more experienced players complimented him and he glowed! He was not the best player there, nor the worst, but he tried his best and he should be proud of himself.  I know that My Darling and I are proud of him.

Me, me, me!

I have noticed recently that people think what they read on a blog entitles them to think they know a person and entitles them to comment, complain and pass judgement.

 A girlfriend has been subject to all kinds of comments and conjecture because people read her blog. Her blog is downright straight forward.  No beating around the bush and a welcome change from all the political correctness that invades our World.  This is why I read every post she puts up and why I tell her what I think of her posts directly to her face. 

I think I would like to put a couple of things straight here - blogs (in my eyes) are a kind of diary.  As a child, I used to write what I thought and what I felt about things happening in my life in a book and then hide it under my mattress.  I found that while I had mulled over the events in the process of jotting it down, I still had the jubilation, the anger, the anxiety, the joy and the humiliations inside me.  Now that I post blogs, I do the same things as I did in my journal - I just tamp it down a little because I know that I am not the only one seeing my words!  It does make one feel a little open and vulnerable!

I use my blog as a way of venting, sharing, celebrating and updating my family and friends who may be thousands of miles away.  I use it as a means of communication - I do not ask anyone to actually read it, but the fact that I have shared how I feel,  what we have done or the way I look at something satisfies an urge within me.  I use it as a log of the journey of my life - sharing how we grow and change as a family.

This is the crux of the matter - it is MINE.  it is how I feel and it is what affects, bothers, excites or angers ME.  My views, My forum. What I write is of little interest to the vast majority of the world.  I know that!

I am happy when people read and comment - and it has been interesting to see that people I don't even know comment when they have read about a concert or a play and they happened to be in the same auditorium.  It was also a little scary to think people who know nothing about me, who are strangers are reading about my thoughts and actions.  I am less happy when people who claim to have some sort of knowledge about me try to post anonymous comments that are negative and derogatory.  No-one asks them to come onto my personal space and share.  They are welcome to vanish into the larger abyss of unknown, unwanted opinion. They do not have to read what I write. They have not the courage of their convictions to allow a response to their malice, but feel mighty behind their cowardly anonymity.  Obviously this is how they deal with their life. Not my problem.  I know who and what I am.  I know that sometimes what I say and do comes across in a way I didn't mean it to or expect it to.  I am strong enough to apologise when I am wrong, and I am humble enough to know that I am not the bees knees.  Just a cog in a giant, giant wheel.

Today's post was going to be a sharing of my views on how some people always step up and offer to help.  How they more than offer... they follow through and DO whatever it takes, however long it takes to get the job done. I have been witnessing a couple of friends over the last couple of weeks, and their dedication to get things done.  Their kids may not even be involved, except that they go to our school, but they show their commitment and their community spirit by volunteering, by taking on tasks that everyone is happy to criticise or comment upon, but not willing to put their money where their mouth is - in other words, when push comes to shove they vanish into the woodwork! (Sorry too many cliches in one sentence!) Where are the people with the huge great opinions on other peoples' lives when the chips are down and their help or contribution is needed....?  We can but wonder!

But I got side-tracked!!

Arrogant Asses

Yeah, Yeah.  I know.  Not nice to start with such a tone!  But you know, some people are small minded, arrogant, xenophobic, racist bums.

I have always been of the opinion that  Nikh's school is one of the few schools I have seen where bullying (not a big issue anyway) did not focus on race or ethnicity.  The Head of School has succeeded in creating a community feeling, where everyone feels they belong.  Our PTA has been a major contributor to the 'inclusion' policy and I have seen for myself that Nikh does not see people int erms of colour, language, race or country of origin - he sees friends.  I love that about his school.  Truly creating Global Citizens of the future.

You can imagine my shock last week to hear a parent stand up and claim that the host culture was less than hers, that she was so arrogant as to assume she was better than everyone else, and to top it off, in her ignorance she insulted a major Hindu God.  The woman is a danger and a menace.  She is full of herself.   Her attitude is one of intolerance and clearly she is not a happy person.  But she does like to share her misery.

I find I am alternating between sadness that one woman can create a rift between several communities, that one person (not a nice person) has the power to segregate and cause division, and absolute frustration and fury that she gets to continue on her merry way.

Painful Parenting

Sometimes, especially when My Darling is not around to talk with, I simply do not know what to do!  For those who know me pretty well, you know that I usually say exactly what I think - usually as soon as I think it!  I do try not to hurt people, but being direct or straight forward is the easiest way to deal with the number of people I come into contact with every single day.  I like when others do the same for me.

This is where I hit a stumbling block.  I like to speak my mind.  I like it when my friends and people I know all speak their minds.  I don't like going round in circles (which I am at the moment ... you see I am still thinking about whether Ishould post this or not!  doubt, doubt, nagging doubt!).

Okay, let me spill it - I am in a quandary.  Nikh went to his best friend's birthday party, and loved it.  He loved it so much, that when offered a sleepover with some of the other party goers, he jumped at the chance.  Also bearing in mind that he has a slight air of panic that if he doesn't do everything right now, he will miss out and then we will be gone from Chennai.  So he stayed.  Don't get me wrong, his friend's mum is my kinda mum.  Gently spoken, clear and more than able to hand a bunch of tween boys.  I had no worries on that score.

My problems began when he came home.  Something was not quite right.  It took till 8pm to come clean. A few of the other boys were pretty malicious all evening and into the night.  He barely got a couple of hours sleep, and is now full of anger, upset and hurt.  These boys, one of whom I personally would prefer Nikh stayed away from and the other two - well, this is news to me. and not good news, have really done a number on him.

So my dilemma - do I call the boys' mothers and let them have it?  Do I tell my friend that all this happened at her house (not my fave option - it was not her fault!),or do I leave Nikh to stew and suffer until his dad gets home to deal with it  My instinct is to call the two boys' mothers and tell them what their boys have been up to.  If it were me - I would want to know and want to deal with my son ... but would they?

Backtracking!

So I have been off the blog radar for a while again!  Sometimes I feel I have nothing to say so better to keep quiet!  Other times, life is slow and uneventful, and finally, sometimes I want to say stuff out loud that I know damn well will land me right in it - so again, I write, save draft and walk away.  Sometimes I can come back to the posts later and edit out the acrimony and post!  Other times - delete is the key!!

Well - since last posting, we have been to Dubai a few times, (look for Dad in Dubai - separate post coming soon!) and spent Christmas and New Year in London.  Dubai has become a favourite haunting ground for several reasons - Emirates is a pretty fantastic airline.  They treat the kids well, they treat My Darling like royalty and I found out on the last flight that even The Ray is on their preferred passengers list ie - treat her damn well! I like it!  Another reason is the second home we have there and this makes hotels almost redundant.  the highlight for me is the washing machine and the view!  Oh and did I mention the Dubai Mall is across the driveway - literally...15 steps away!!  Waitrose, Carrefour, Boots, Starbucks and umpteen other stores are conveniently either in the mall or a bus ride away.  The air smells clean.  The public toilets are immaculate and people do not pee and poo everywhere you look.  I love a place that has toilets in the airport and the shopping centres that do not make you retch and that The Ray can sit on the seat without fear!  Ugh!

Christmas in London was spectacular.  The Ray is convinced that her daddy is the one who ordered the snowfalls just for her.  Nikh simply stared at the big fat flakes drifting past the window and did not quite believe his eyes until I openedthe window (4th floor!), shoved my hand out there, grabbed some flakes and melted them on his face!!  Whoops of  glee turned to sheer joy as he scraped off our neighbours cars each morning.  They love him now!  They offered to pay, but I didn't let them much to his disgust and My Darling's!  The compacted ice under the snow was not so much fun, neither was driving in the slushy ice up a hill.  The Ray pointed out from the back seat that Mummy was using bad words, lots and lots and lots of bad words!  OOOPS!!

It was My Darling's 40th a few days before Christmas, so we had a small mulled wine and canapes evening at the Riverside.  His mint choc chip tennis court ice-cream cake with '40-LOVE, Biren' written on the side was a big hit!  Photo on friday!  We still owe our chennai friends a birthday bash!  The watch he bought for himself (from us) made him a Happy Hubby!!  The e-reader from his in-laws has been used non-stop by three out of the four Wasanis!

Santa visited - we all made it onto the nice list - some by the skins of our teeth due to adolescent hormones I think!  Hama beads were the big hit with The Ray, Nikh got a watch too - one where there is a code you decipher to tell the time - way cool!!  My Darling got alcohol and a mulled wine kit and I got a couple of books and a few odds and ends!

We came back to Chennai and The Ray is now at AISC with her big brother and she is settled and happy.  She absolutely loves her new teacher and her teacher adores her - win-win!!

Our school PTA committee is a little thin on the ground at the moment so I am helping them organise the Charity Fair on the 30th.  I have also been drafted to help organise the PTA Ball on the 17th April as a last hurrah!  Mostly for my contacts though.  Glad to be of help!

Finally -I am helping the US CLO organise an Easter event with the Madras Mums - on the 13th March.  This is also well under way and going smooth as silk!!

So now we are all up to date - let's hope I post a little more regularly to keep things moving!!

By the way - wishing you and yours a happy new year and a healthy one at that!

Zakir Rocks Chennai!

This is what makes living in Chennai so utterly worth it!

This evening, we went to see Zakir Hussain(playing the tabla) and Shivakumar Sharma (playing the santoor) at the Music Academy.

A little background - Chennai is full of cultural, musical, art and drama festivals between November and the end of January - I suspect because the weather is so fantastic (some of us even resort to thermal vests!).   Tickets are relatively easy to get, in fact you can buy season tickets.  Except for this show - tickets went on sale at a couple of local bookshop chains, and within a very short space of time - sold out!

I know how much My Darling loves this kind of music, so I did something I try hard not to do - I called round trying to call in favours!  But to no avail - no-one could help, nobody had any tickets and no-one would let me have their's out of the goodness of their hearts (understandably)!  Add to the confusion one very good friend who knows I can usually come up with the goods, calling and asking for FOUR tickets, if I can get them for her! 

I broke the sad news to her and to My Darling that it was a no go.  No tickets anywhere!

Fancy my shock and delight when My Darling called me this morning to say we were going to the concert... in VIP seats!  The bank called and invited him.  They offered 2 seats, he tried and got 4! 

The two men are so incredible at what they do - the first Raga lasted an hour and 35 minutes, and no one noticed!  I looked at my watch and realised Zakir Hussain had been playing the tabla for an hour straight and Shivakumar Sharma had been playing the santoor for and hour and a half without stopping.  So unbelievable!

Zakir Hussain (an old fave!) has 35 fingers - at least that is how it looks from the audience.  His fingers fly so fast across the surface of the tabla that the sounds become a melody.  The depth of the bass notes become part of your heartbeat and the whole experience makes you hold your breath and only let it go when he stops!

Shivakumar Sharma is a guy with a shocking white 'fro!  He wore a fuschia kurta tonight with glod embroidery - difficult to take a guy seriously looking like that!  But when he began to play - the kids, My Darling and I were completely mesmerised.  He plays the instrument with a couple of metallic sticks.  The instrument looks like a cross between a harpsichord, a harmonium, a harp and thumb piano!  but the sounds that emerge from this thing sounded like a full orchestra in his two very capable hands.  Simply stunning!

This is one of those nights that I will remember long after we leave Chennai!  This is what I will miss - these kinds of experiences... oh and the VIP treatment!!